Last month, my mom had a heart attack.  I’ve often repeated the axiom that first God whispers in your ear, then he taps you on the shoulder, then he hits you with a brick; don’t wait for a brick.  Well, for my mom this was a brick and for me it was a hard tap on the shoulder.  Time to get my act together.

I’m the type who will take care of everyone before I’ll take care of myself.  I don’t really think about pampering myself, I don’t enjoy being the center of anyone’s attention, and I often eat my feelings.  But I think it’s time to once again try to focus on me first.  I put work ahead of me too, and throw myself into it with all my focus, time and attention.  This is good and bad – I really love my job and the people I work with, so I feel lucky.  But as much as the people there love me back, it’s not exactly the most lasting or fulfilling relationship I’ll ever have.

Sooo, I have a lot of work to do.  My last stab at weight loss was mixed results but since I’ve neglected that part of my life, all my progress has been erased.  I’m not afraid of hard work, I’m just not good at doing it for myself.  I guess in the moments where I think “why do I bother??” I can think about a few things:  I can’t really help people if I’m not around, I can’t be the best me if I’m not healthy, and I’d like to be able to keep up with my nephews when I see them.

So, once again, face lift for the site, maybe a bit more candid and stream of consciousness posts, and most importantly (most scar of all), back to work on shaking this fat suit and putting myself out there again.

I look at my weight watchers books that I’ve read soo many times and I see, again, how many fruits and veggies I get.  I also got this new wonderful cookbook from my favorite sister in law which talks about different veggies, how to make them, and what the benefits are of eating these new pureed veggies. So here I am … I’m going to eat plain spinach.   I know its good for me, but it doesnt taste that well.  I eat it anyway….. and I gag but I continue eating because its supposed to be good for me.  That my frineds is an eating disorder.  So today.. I admit it and I own it….. Its the only thing I own. LOL.

This will be beneficial in the long run… I know it will.   Own up to your problems. Once you let it out and admit it, it is a huge weight (literally) off your shoulders.

As I sit debating with myself, it’s like an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.  The devil says, “You don’t have time, just get the burger you want.  A burger, with cheese and mayo and lots of fries, maybe a nice giant Coke full of sugary goodness and caffeine.  Mmmmmmcaffeine.”  The angel is arguing calmly, “You know what you should do.  Stick to your diet; you know what’s good for you.”  But then two other voices chime in as well.  It’s quite crowded in my head.

There’s that critical voice, the one that’s so pessimistic, so mean.  “You know you’re not going to stick with this, just like all the other times.  Why don’t you just give it up, go get the big greasy burger and get it over with.  Then you can just quit and we can have ice cream later to celebrate.  What made you think you could do this anyway?  You’re too weak to succeed and you don’t deserve to anyway.”

Then the voice of reason.  The voice that got me started on this to begin with.  “If it’s that big of a deal and you really think you need it, get the burger then get back on track.  But just decide and move on.  It’s just a burger.  You know you can live without it, and you know in the long run you’ll be happy you didn’t have it, but seriously just decide.  You can get the burger and keep within your points, you can go over your points and start again tomorrow, or you can let the burger derail all your effort.  Or better yet, you can just skip it and celebrate your restraint.  But if you do get the burger, don’t beat yourself up, don’t let it stop you, and just make a better choice next time.  Better yet, if you get the burger do it without the cheese and the mayo.  Make it a kid-sized burger and celebrate that choice.  Whatever you do just do it because your stomach is getting really cranky.”

No burger, coupled with a good for you! from the angel and the voice of reason was what I had for lunch that Wednesday.  Good for me making better choices; good for me not listening to that critical voice in my head.  I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me.  Or something–ok that crack may have come from the critical voice; it tends to be slightly sarcastic.  I’m not sure if this really falls under inspiration or delirious ranting, but either way here it is for your consideration.  I’ll just be here enjoying every bite of my lovely grilled chicken sandwich.

Craving pancakes but think you can’t spare the points?

Mmmmmmmmpancakes.  They are one of our downfalls, so we decided we needed to find a nutritious, lower calorie and healthier alternative to these Saturday morning favorites.  We like ours covered in syrup, butter and because we’re creative (though some may think we’re weird), we like to add peanut butter and sometimes even cinnamon on top of that.

The cooks at MagicallyDelicious took our demands to the test kitchen and whipped up these taste-alikes that we flipped over.  Here is the ultra-complicated recipe so you can indulge in these lower-calorie pancakes for a hearty breakfast that is full of fiber.

Ok I hope your culinary skills are up to snuff for this super complicated recipe.  Ready?  Here we go.

MagicalMakeover Buttermilk Peanut Butter Pancakes

1 cup Krusteaz Fat Free Buttermilk complete pancake mix

2 T PB2 powdered peanut butter

1 t vanilla extract

3/4 cup plus 1 T water

Preheat skillet or griddle on medium-low heat.  Combine dry ingredients.  Add water and vanilla; stir to just combine (overmixing will make the pancakes less fluffy).  Test heat of skillet by dropping a little water on the skillet.  It should dance and sizzle on the surface but not instantly evaporate.  Make those pancakes.  Recipe makes 2 servings of two pancakes each.

Now here’s the magic part.  We ran these through our points analyzer and compared them against their full fat frere (that’s brother in French–we’re feeling continental today and it alliterated well) as we would normally eat them both, with butter (1 tablespoon) and syrup (1/8 cup).  Here’s how they stack up:

Dad:  Do you want me to make you a grilled cheese sandwich?

Kids (giggling, already in on the joke):  Yeah!  Make me a grilled cheese!

Dad:  Poof!  You’re a grilled cheese sandwich!

So we loved our grilled cheese.  It was both comfort food and a delicious treat Dad made for us.  Grilled cheese and funny-shaped pancakes were his specialties…probably still are.  I look forward to my nephew giggling over the same corny joke.

Grilled cheese isn’t something I’m likely to give up; it tastes like home to me.  So, I needed to find a healthier way to enjoy the warm gooey crunchy taste of home.  Here is a comparison of my version vs. good old Dad’s version of this classic.  I refuse to give up the taste, so this isn’t as healthy as it could be.  But I’ll throw in a note at the end of how to shave off even more points.  But the version I outline for you here tastes just like the real thing.

This MagicallyDelicious version will save you 28 g of fat and 9 points over Dad’s version and it’s just as creamy delicious.   If we really are what we eat, you’ll be a skinny grilled cheese in no time.

While for most of us, it seems unrealistic to get those eight hours of sleep, it’s important to make an effort toward a least getting more sleep.  Here are a few tips to help catch more z’s and drop more lbs.:

• Stop eating at least two hours before you go to bed.  Eat a satisfying dinner, and limit your snacking afterward.  The more you can load your calories earlier in the day, the better off you’ll be.
• Get into a bedtime routine.  Just like you start winding your kids down before you put them into bed, you need to give yourself a chance to relax before you hit the sheets.  Shut the tv off earlier and read yourself a nice bedtime story or take a nice warm bath.  Just work it into your routine.
• Cut out the caffeine earlier.  All those stimulating chemicals like caffeine and cigarettes will keep you up at night.  Try to limit them to earlier hours.  Alcohol can also mess with your sleep, so try to keep your imbibing to a minimum in the later hours.
• Ramp up into it.  Start going to bed a little bit earlier each night.  Even 15 minutes earlier each night for a week will get you under the covers for almost an extra two hours of sack time.
• If you have serious trouble getting to sleep at night, see your doctor.  If you experience lack of sleep for long periods of time or it interferes with your daily life, it’s time to go see your physician for help.

What made me realize this quickly was the 100 calorie Sunchips.  I love cheddar Sunchips but half the bag seems to vanish while I’m watching tv.  Some sort of evaporation taking place I’m sure.  So when I saw the 100 calorie version I snatched them off the shelf with a quickness.  Then of course the other part of me went…what a rip!  They are about $2.99 at my local grocery store for six servings.  Then I looked at the bag of regular-people chips, and they are about $2.69 for 16 servings.  Now I’m no math wizard, but that’s more than double the price for the admittedly satisfying little pouches.

So I railed against this injustice and bought the bag.  Then I bought a box of snack-sized zipper baggies; the ones big enough  to hold maybe half a sandwich.  I did some math, reducing the 160 calorie serving size on the nutritional information to 100 calories, and dumped the whole bag into a bowl.  Then I counted out the roughly 11 chips per bag and put all the little bags back into the big bag.

I have about 16 little baggies in there ready to grab when I feel the need to munch, but I have to admit feeling like a bit of a drug dealer sitting there on my couch measuring out the chips and portioning them into little baggies.  And realistically, I was paid about $2 for that hour of time filling all those baggies.  Time well spent?  I guess if I was vegging on the couch anyway, I made a little money doing it but I’m not sure if I’ll bother in the future.  I do give myself credit for not eating any of those chips as I was portioning them, but I have to say if it were cookies I was trying to dole out, about half the box would have likely “evaporated.”  The other bonus for me is I think the little boxes are kinda cute, and they fit in my cupboard better than bags of chips.  So you make the call.  If you have will-power when it comes to these treats and have the time, it might be worth saving a couple bucks.

Live Happy and Don’t Be Mean Shirts

Be nice. Be content. Maybe life really is this simple. 100% cotton tees flatter a woman’s curves. Sizes S(4–6), M(6–8), L(8–10), XL(10–12), XXL(12–14). Machine wash. USA.

Ummmmm….

What woman in a size 0 has curves?  And in what universe is a 12-14 an XXL?  And how on Earth could a woman walk around happy as a 12-14 knowing they have branded her size XXL?  Don’t be Mean?  Practice what you preach and change your sizing chart.  Here’s another ironic example:

Be.You and Be.Kind Tees

Positive messages make us stronger—mentally and physically, inside and out. Simple words express your commitment to be and do your best. Be.You on brown says “This is who I am!” Be.Kind on pink makes the world a better place. Both long-sleeve tees are 100% supima cotton—soft, lightweight, with a tapered waist and contoured fit to flatter a woman’s curves. Sizes S(0–2), M(4–6), L(8–10), XL(12–14). Imported.

Apparently you can only be you and kind if you’re smaller than a size 14 first of all, and secondly well sorry ladies but that makes you an XL; you’ve got some work to do.

It’s really as if they’re saying hey, if you’re bigger than we are, we kind of hope you don’t feel ok about yourself because we think you’re not ok.  You should feel bad, and look bad and then you’ll have the motivation to turn yourself inside out to be like us.  Guess what?  If you are bigger and you feel bad about it, you’re a whole lot less likely to say hey, you know, I’m going to do this because I’m important to me.  And people come in different sizes and are born to be that way.  Yes, I have weight to lose but no, I’ll never be a size 4 no matter how much I lose.  I could be on a feeding tube and not be a size 4.  I seriously doubt that healthy for me would be less than a 14 ever.

Just to see if I was over-reacting, I spoke to some friends about my reaction.  One’s response was, “yeah, ‘Be You, Don’t Eat.’” and another’s was, “How are we supposed to feel good about getting fit, working out, & buy what Lewis Black calls ‘the costume’…when we’d have to order a XXXXXXXL just to have something that was comfy? B*stards.”  Amen sister.

And yes, I think positive messages do make us stronger.  Perhaps you could start with the tags on your clothing lines Acacia.  I’m certain I’ll express my best in another way, and will find clothng that truly compliments the actual curves of an actual woman.

This time around, we’ll focus on the personal stuff, cool recipes, low point junk food (helloooo, I love the junk food it’ll stick around!) and I guess whatever else is on our minds.

So, hopefully you’ll learn something and get some inspiration, but you should at least be somewhat entertained by our struggles as we head down the weight loss path again!